In the world of leukemia, when a kid gets a fever, it disrupts life. And the fever threshold is 100.5. Beyond that, we have to go to the emergency room because something’s going on. And even a normal infection might potentially be concerning because of a depressed immune system due to chemotherapy.
Before our Make A Wish trip to Florida, it had been over 5 months since we went to the emergency room. And leading up to that trip, we enlisted everyone we knew to pray for us, that we would be able to stay healthy for the duration of our time down south.
We got to Florida on a Thursday. We went to the Magic Kingdom on Friday. Then we went to Animal Kingdom on Saturday. The plan was to go to Sea World on Sunday, and we were excited – especially Joshua. He’d been to Sea World before in San Antonio, and he loved it, so he was particularly jacked.
Late on Saturday night, a couple of hours after Joshua had gone to bed, we heard him coughing. Didn’t think too much about it, just went in to check on him. And what we found was gut-wrenching.
Joshua was sitting up in his bed, clutching his new Mickey Mouse to his chest, covering up his mouth so that his coughs would be quiet. His face was red from crying. And all he said was, “Can we still go to Sea World?”
He knew he was sick, and the thermometer proved it. 102.7. So we jumped in the car and headed to downtown Orlando to the children’s hospital. Even though by the time we got there Joshua was singing songs and feeling fine, his temperature was still up, his counts proved to be low. Lower than they had been in months, meaning that the docs at the ER checked us into a room upstairs.
No Sea World.
And I’m not going to lie – my emotional state went from sadness to anger pretty quickly. I said some things to the Lord I’m not proud of:
“Why now? What are you doing? Can’t we get a break?”
“Woud is really disrupt the eternal plan of the universe for this little boy to get to go to Sea World?”
“I’m sick of learning things. I’m tired of my life being an object lesson. I want a week off.”
And so we settled into our small room, wondering if that was the end of our vacation, with a disappointed little boy and a really, really angry dad. But the Lord? Well, He was busy, and as always seems to happen, had something else in store…
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This entry made me cry. Thank you for being true and raw and honest. i have certainly said pretty much exactly those same things to God, albeit in a different context, but i know the feelings QUITE WELL. Thankfully, God never fails to have something so much bigger in mind . . . just so hard to remember that when all we can see is pain, frustration, and disappointment. Very much looking forward to hearing more.
Thanks for reading, Megs – excited to tell the rest of the story in tomorrow’s entry.
I bet I was almost as angry as you were when I heard this. Looking forward to reading the rest of the story.
Mad is the operative word, Jim. Really, really mad.
Can I just add the word sad to this description? Really, really sad.
Started following this after the Dunkin’ Donuts post. Found an instant love for your little guy as the mom of two little boys. Hoping the story continues to reveal God’s better and greater plans for him and your family.
Thanks for reading and your kind words, Brooke – I enjoyed reading about Connect Church today when I clicked on your comment.
Oh Michael, I have already read the second part, so I know how the story turned out! But I can only kind of imagine how you felt (the “Momma” & “daddy” bear feeling), but I have never had a sick child. It just blessed me to read how God worked through you and really just how amazing it truly was. It made me just want to worship Him because His thoughts truly are not ours. And even if the story didn’t go on, we know we can trust Him. I LOVED reading this particular blog. We are all learning through your experiences. Thanks for being so open! I love your wife too, and I wish I could just sit down and listen to her heart and be amazed at the woman she has become!