I took my daughter to see Cinderella last week. We had talked about it for months, and both of us were excited. We waited through the previews and then the movie started, and about 10 minutes into the show something remarkable happened.

Unprompted, she reached over and held my hand. And I felt like I was a teenager again. My heart leaps up in my chest and I’m thankful for the darkness of the theater to conceal the stupidly big grin I had on my face.

She held my hand.

And she didn’t let go. We sat there, for the better part of an hour and a half, and just held hands. I couldn’t help but thinking during the movie that moments like these aren’t going to last forever. Time is fleeting, and at some point I’m going to be replaced in that seat. There will be another boy who will get to hold her hand, and I’m confident that his smile will be bigger and stupider than mine. Because of that realization, this special moment that meant way more to me than to her was tinged with a little bit of sadness.

My kids are growing up before my eyes. Some days it feels like they take leaps and bounds toward young adulthood. And in those moments, I curse time. I like things the way they are, but time wags his finger in my face and tells me that they can’t stay like this. They are going to change, ready or not. At times like these, time feels like my opponent, something to be fought against. So I battle and battle to try and preserve the day, the now, knowing that it’s a losing battle.

There is, however, another perspective. For parents like me, time doesn’t have to be an opponent; it can actually be one of the most powerful allies we have. That’s good news, because let’s face it – we all need a few more allies in this great task of raising our children. In order to see time as our ally in parenting rather than our opponent, though, it will take a change in perspective.

Here, then, are three changes in focus that need to happen for time to start being our friend:

1. Focus on character rather than accomplishments.

It’s very helpful for my wife and I to step back every once in a while and remind ourselves as parents of what exactly we are in this for. Is it for straight A’s? Is it to raise good citizens? Is it to make sure the boys can throw a curveball? And the answer again and again is no. We aren’t in this for the personal accomplishments of our kids; we are in this to model and teach them the gospel and then ultimately to see them transformed by the grace of God. It seems like we start seeing time as our opponent when we start focusing on the accomplishments of our kids. When we do, we get impatient with their progress at one task or another. But character building through gospel transformation? That’s the long play. And God is not in a hurry.

2. Focus on progress rather than perfection.

Similarly, it’s easy to get frustrated with our kids when we have to say the same thing to them again and again. And we do; if you’re a parent, you do, too. It’s helpful to remember in those times of frustration how many times the Holy Spirit has had to say the same thing to me:

• You are God’s child.
• You are safe in Him.
• You don’t need to worry about tomorrow.

Again and again. Like our own relationship with God, our kids have not yet arrived. Fortunately, though, there is time. And hopefully, by God’s grace, and aided by time, we have to say the same thing less frequently.

3. Focus on celebration rather than mourning.

Yesterday Jana took our baby – our last one – our 5-year-old Christian to register for kindergarten. That’s the last time this will happen. This is the last time we will have a true first day of school. This is the way of parenting – you’re constantly experiencing that sense of loss as a kid moves from one stage to another. That’s why time can feel so much like an adversary; it is constantly taking precious moments away from us.

But the opposite is also true – time is also giving us new moments. If we change our perspective from that of mourning to that of celebration, we can begin to see time as an ally.

The moments we have with our kids are precious, and they are fleeting. But instead of mourning the loss of those moments, can make the choice to be grateful for the time we’ve been given and, with time as our ally, make the most of every opportunity.