If you’re a parent, you know the feeling of being in a different part of the house, and hearing the shenanigans start up. It sounds like a little sarcasm, then a slightly raised voice, then an escalation… and there you sit, wondering when is the right time for you to step in. Because you’re probably going to have to at some point.

Eventually you do, and when you enter the room in question, you might find virtually anything there. Broken bones. Destroyed toys. Dogs and cats living together. You know the drill. Now as a parent, it’s part of your job not to be sucked into the drama, but instead to live above it, and to help de-escalate the situation with your children and bring the whole thing to some reasonable conclusion.

You are, in other words, supposed to be “the grownup in the room.”

I wonder if the same phrase might be used for Christians? Perhaps so – that one of our roles, as ambassadors of another kingdom with a different set of values and aspirations, is to step into various rooms and be “the adult.” But what does that mean?

Well, when it comes to your children, you only have to have just a little more sense; a little more wisdom; a little more size; or a little more authority than everyone else. But if we were to apply that phrase to Christians in every other area of life, it means something a bit different. When you begin to think about what characterizes the grownup in the room, certain characteristics come to mind, and I would propose that Christians are uniquely able and even called to embody those characteristics. Here are three of them:

1. Calm.

The grownup in the room is calm. He or she is able to step into the middle of chaos, and stand apart from it. That’s not to say they shrink back from it; they do not. They actually engage, but they do so in a measured, reasonable, but determined way. And their manner is helpful in doing it – not loud; not argumentative; a degree of patience; these are all characteristics of a person of calm, and these are precisely the things that a moment of chaos needs – it’s people who refused to be sucked into the fray, but instead those who are able to bring a semblance of order to it by their very presence.

2. Decisiveness.

The grownup in the room is also decisive. Often, this is what needs to happen in moments of confusion or panic or anger – someone simply has to make a choice, even if it isn’t the perfect one.

I’m reminded of this quote from General Patton: “A good plan violently executed now is better than a perfect plan executed next week.” A decisive person doesn’t want to have all of the questions answered, because that kind of person knows that often the best solution for all the conflict and confusion and chaos is movement. Decision. To stop talking so much and start acting. This is what the grownup in the room does – they provide clear and solid direction, and then adjust as needed going forward.

3. Assessment.

The grownup in the room is also able to quickly step into what seems to be a very complicated situation and quickly assess what’s really going on. Why are feelings really hurt? What is at the core of this conflict? What is actually making people so upset?

This is important because the vast majority of the time what appears to be the source of conflict and chaos is not actually the source of conflict and chaos. The adult in the room is able to look deeper, and in so doing, to refused to be sucked into petty symptoms. The grownup is able to shift the focus appropriately and help others do the same through their assessing of the situation.

Calm. Decisiveness. Assessment. These are three characteristics of the grownup in the room. But why is that call given to Christians? And why are Christians uniquely able to do this, whether in the home, the church, or in any other area of leadership and influence?

It’s because we, as Christians, have an unshakable source of personal security. We don’t need to prove anything to anyone:

Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God (Col. 3:1-3).

Our identity and confidence is rooted in Jesus, and because it is, we can live with a certain aloofness to everyday situations. That is, we can calmly, objectively, and decisively assess situations without feeling personally attacked because our lives are hidden – safe – with Christ in God.

In this way, Christians can be an ongoing gift to the people they interact with. And in this way, they are constantly testifying to the securing nature of the gospel.