Fake John Piper

I’m not a twitter guy, but I like those who are. And every once in a while, you find a gem in the midst of all the tweets about the great burger people had for lunch.

My friend, Jared Wilson, sometimes tweets as FakeJohnPiper. Which is hysterical. If you’ve ever read a Piper book or heard him preach, you’ll see why. Here Jared lists some of his favorite FakeJohnPiper tweets. I could not stop laughing:

– all of the “Desiring God theme park” tweets that followed this one: Thanks to a generous grant, we are pressing forward with plans for a Desiring God theme park . . .

– I got the skills to pay the bills. Except when people use the “pay what you can afford” option.

– If you summerolaters are getting a kiddie pool, you better be baptizing people in it.

– I have prayed for the gift of tongues, but received the gift of gestures. http://twitpic.com/3nwoyo

– Preaching at Mars Hill Seattle this weekend. Still shaken from Driscoll’s welcome noogies

– I will be on the road 200 weekdays in 2010, preaching the gospel. You’ll be on your couch all year, picking your nose.

– Perry Noble uses lots of exclamation points. Know who else does? Girls.

– I was RT’d 260+ times this morning. Good job. Idolaters

– (On Thanksgiving): Turkey is most glorified in you when you are most stuffed with it.

– 36 idolatry days left till Christmas. Which you’ll probably also be idolatrous on.

– Factoid No. 1: “Don’t Waste Your Life” originally titled “Don’t Mess Around Doing Things That Aren’t Important, God-wise.”

– Preaching at @MarsHill this year. Will need to break out some edgier language like “shenanigans” and “uvula”

– Working on some Facebook apps with the Desiring God nerd team. “John has thrown an imprecatory psalm at you . . .”

– Phone peddler just asked if I had a retirement plan. I said yes. It’s called “death.”

– Preaching to college students keeps me young. Also keeping me young: Tuesday night hip hop classes at the downtown Y

– The 401K was invented for quitters

– Greg Boyd invited me to a surprise party for a mutual friend. Told him I’d only attend if he called it a “God is Never Surprised” Party

– Instructing church hostess to change all ads for the Bethlehem Fellowship Potluck to read Fellowship Potpredestination

– Black Friday: I am meditating on the cross of Christ. You are out shopping for a Wee or whatever it’s called

– Starting an Everyday Sex Challenge series at Bethlehem this morning. Oh, wait that’s not me. ‘Cause I’m not an idiot

– Rear-ended someone while erranding. Tried to explain that calamities are the work of God for our good, but she just wanted my insurance info

– I have 48 books coming out this year

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