The Comedy of Genesis 29-30

This is really shallow – my wife told me so. Nevertheless, in reading these couple of chapters, you’ll find some bizarre things. Sad things, and for those of us who are indeed a little shallow, a little funny at least. Here’s the list I came up with:

– Genesis 29:17: “Leah had delicate eyes, but Rachel was shapely and beautiful.”

Translation: Rachel was easy on the eyes; Leah… well better not to look at unless you have vision problems.

– Genesis 29:21: “Then Jacob said to Laban, ‘Give me my wife, for my time is completed. I want to sleep with her.'”

Translation: “Dude, it’s been 7 years. 7. I’ve had alot of cold showers.”

– Genesis 29:23: “That evening, Laban took his daughter Leah and gave her to Jacob, and he slept with her…When morning came, there was Leah!”

Translation: “Oh snap! I knew I shouldn’t have had that extra goblet of wine last night with dinner!”

– Genesis 30:14-15a: “Reuben went out during the wheat harvest and found some mandrakes in the field. When he brought them to his mother Leah, Rachel asked, ‘Please give me some of your son’s mandrakes.’ But Leah replied to her, ‘Isn’t it enough that you have taken my husband? Now you also want to take my son’s mandrakes?'”

Translation: “Polygamy? Yes. But mandrakes are where I draw the line. MANDRAKES!!!!!”

– Genesis 30:15b-16: “‘Well,’ said Rachel, ‘you can sleep with him tonight in exchange for your son’s mandrakes.’ When Jacob came in from the field that evening, Leah went out to meet him and said, ‘You must come with me, for I have hired you with my son’s mandrakes.’ So Jacob slept with her that night.”

Translation: “Well, who am I to argue with the exchange of mandrakes? Just out of curiosity, how many did you give for me?”

Solid gold.

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3 Comments

  • Jana Kelley says:

    I didn’t say “shallow.” I just commented that that Leah’s story is more sad than funny to me. These accounts seem more fit for Gossip Girl than anything. How’s that for shallow…I know what is fit for Gossip Girl.

  • Brian Maines says:

    This is truly hilarious!

  • Amanda Ortiz Mayfield says:

    What’s so funny to me is that this has been the topic for 2 sermons over the last month at my church. Not exactly as you’ve written it but close enough. 🙂
    I guess you can do almost anything with your eyes closed or at least with a lot of alcohol in ya. LOL
    (sorry, couldn’t help myself)

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